hmm 4 July 05

4th of july.. wow, the folks in USA must be celebrating now huh?
let me play star-spangled banner a bit...

today i have an interview scheduled in the afternoon. somehow, apart from feeling nervous about it, i am somewat not too enthusiatic.. haiz... wat do i wan??

afternote: people conducting interview should observe the following:

1) keep to the time scheduled. if u tell me xxx, then it shouldn't be at xxx(50mins later).
2) if u have to let people wait, please make sure u have water nearby..

my words: damn those people... i have to re-gather my thoughts about the job change

update at 8.30pm: stomach been feeling queasy since 2pm.. initially i thot it was juz nervous attacks.. but its been half the day gone and i am feeling unwell still.. no!no! bali is juz 4 days away... oh, and i collected our air-tickets today :)

update at 10.30pm: turns out the talk i wanted turned out not the way i hope it to be... i hate everything~! i wanna juz die and get to wherever i am suppose to go...
i hate life .. yes the emotional bucket is out again.. long time no see, my dear friend... my life is full of bloody dilemas (wrong spelling, who the fuck cares?) its not funny. i been accused of assuming stuff... oh yea, and who wont.. blah blah.. and oh yea, so taking people for granted is not necessarily a bad thing huh? sometimes i feel so tired, i wish i will never wake up .. sometimes, i wish i am a single cell organism.. so i have no brain to think .. fuck decisions.. fuck everything.. i am juz going to bulldoze everything in my way.. i wanna be young again.. i wanna run free amongst the graves like i did when i was young. maybe i wanna drown in that pond when i fell in.. maybe maybe maybe... maybe i am juz stupid, maybe i am juz silly, maybe i am juz confused, maybe i am not good at living, i feel bonded by the invisible chains of life... gimme a day when i can be sure!