moodless

moodless, this is the word to describe.. the feelings of yesterday and today and probably more days to come.... the future is uncertain... i felt lost. I always felt that I should settle down early and have a family of my own, not necessarily with children. The idea of having someone loves me so much that he is willing to take a shot at planning our future together... this is a comforting thought.
now, i am not sure what i want anymore... it seems sometimes the more i wanted something, the more i will not get it.... i kept getting distressed... i try not to think about it... and there's my work.. i am actually not doing any work now.. and i am feeling aimless.... and lost again..

Maybe the earth should just opened up right undernealth me and swallow me whole ...